I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
