Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
