Apparently you make a good broom.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
