i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
