no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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