My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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