just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
