I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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