You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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