four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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