if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
