im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
