So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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