so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
