evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
