Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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