Old men and throwing up are my life now.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
