Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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