i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize