i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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