you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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