I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i dont even know how to be here
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
