Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
