At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
