Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
