i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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