Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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