i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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