You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
