You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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