i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
