I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
