wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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