I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
