When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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