After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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