we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Can't talk, ducks in the car
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
