I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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