don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
