Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
