Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
There's even glitter on my cock...
His nipple licking is glorious
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