Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
