I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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