Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
