you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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