We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize