I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
