PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
PS: I just woke up from my shower
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
