just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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