there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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