Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
