So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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