Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize