why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize