So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
