Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
