Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
