Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
