thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
