your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
