lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
