If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
