There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
