so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
