I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
