shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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