What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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