I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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