I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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