I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
