i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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