the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
