I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
